life as a fairytale?

ive come to the realization that i never really write on here, except when things arent going as i wish they were, or when im lonely. im not saying its either a good or bad thing. just an observation. life is going to be undergoing some pretty significant changes pretty quick, and im just hoping i have enough strength to get through everything. its crazy all the stuff that no one ever tells you about. we read all the fairytales telling us that life is fair, and that it works out with happy endings. right now, there is not a single happy ending in my line of vision, and im having a really hard time not being cynical. i think i have finally made some really great friends, so i guess it isn't as lonely here as it could be, but i think living alone is still conducive (at least for me) to really feeling it sometimes. its hard to not just try and fill that void when it crops up. such is the story of life i suppose. i had a fantastic dream, and i woke up almost believing it was real. perhaps it was just wishful thinking. i still liked to believe life can be a fairytale, maybe this is just one of the many twists they are so famous for.

i'm just sitting out here watching airplanes take off and fly. wondering which one you might be on....

Growing up sucks. Not all kisses are magical and most boys don't live up to your expectations. But there are those times when everything- love, romance, realationships, it all falls into place together perfectly and its incredible. Its those moments no matter how few and far inbetween that make it worth it, and help to prove that it really all will be okay.

i was writing down a quote and a paper that had this on it fell out of my book .... concidence? who knows. regardless it seemed fitting. i have to admit initially i agreed who heartedly- but then it made me pause and think about what it really says. setting aside my somewhat cynical nature, i have to admit that growing up doesnt always suck. the other day i was impressed (for lack of a better word) when i saw some old friends. its wierd to think that no matter what we do and how much we think we have changed at college, hanging out with the people who really used to know who we were and how we got there still have an uncanny ability to know who we are better than we know ourselves. i think perhaps the most shocking was coming back to someone from our past and feeling completely at ease. no awkward conversation. no wierd pauses in the conversation. no nervous laughter. just simple, uncomplicated, and comfortable. although logically there is no way to make up for four missed years of the simple, uncomplicated, and comfortable conversation and even silence, perhaps it is time to focus on making sure another four years dont accidentally slip by. its funny really. wondering why the ones you made the effort for fell apart, and the one you let go didnt. however, i dont suppose its worth stressing over. just wierd. perhaps there is a lesson lurking somewhere, but for now im okay with not knowing.

its not supposed to feel this way...

i got to see an old friend tonight, and it was crazy how it seems so easy to slip back into the old relationship that you had, forget how being away has changed both of you to an almost unrecognizable person on the inside compared with the past. sometimes those instances will make you feel completely grown up and adult, and other times they leave you gasping for breath wondering where it all went wrong..

is there an instruction book for life? i think i might need it ...

thats enough to make you cringe

well, im not really sure what the inspiration is tonight.. it could just be a form of procrastinating because i have a test tomorrow that i have neglected to study for, or it could be because i feel there is something i need to say. dr. seuss said "be who you are because those who mind dont matter, and those who matter dont mind" so perhaps thats what i am doing.. speaking my mind.. i feel there will all be, lets call them setbacks, in our lives.. but it is really frusterating when that is all you seem to have.. this mythical setback seems to completely throw everything out of wack, and for lack of better wording, the past well.. a little over a week has thrown me completely, i had everything set up the way it should have been, but you meet people, you remeet others, and some how your life has to adjust to let everyone have space,but we all misjudge and offer some people space that they dont desereve, you offer others the wrong amount or location of space in your life, and you completely forget to let some people have any space at all. thats where i am right now.. reevluating space in my life, sometimes we get caught up in things, and say things we dont mean to, and we say things we think no one would have ever been able to guess.. but i think deep down we all want someone to guess our secrets, someone safe. sometimes we are foolish enough to trust the wrong person with those secrets, and lets be honest, i am no less a fool than anyone else.. as much as it pains me to admit it, the past week or so has been a time for me to demonstrate how foolish one really can be, and quite honestly that makes me cringe

irionic isnt it?

so today is national womens friendship day, and i feel it is only fitting that i put a quote about friendship in here.. so i looked and looked for the perfect one, and i dont think it exists, there isnt anyway to say how much you miss someone and wish that they were there with you right this second, that their friendship that meant everything in the world could be gone in an instant,before you could even blink your eyes, and my life was changed forever. this is the only one i could come up with

years and years of happiness only make us realize how lucky we are to have friends who have shared and made that happiness a reality.
-Robert E. Frederick

i didnt get years and years of friendship, i had a very small precious amount of time, but while i was sitting around being sad about it...i had to think that maybe i should be happy,yes, years and years may have been stolen away and while i didnt get the longest amount of time, i got a precious amount filled with many happy memories, smiles, laughter, sadness, joy, and pain. maybe the point is that although i didnt get years, i got enough to last through the rest of the years of my life. i guess all i have left to say, is i miss you, i miss you more than you could ever know or understand.

the end.

Best of the Quote Wall-

okay... so instead of writing a depressing journal entry about how sad it is that the year is over, this is gonna be the less serious one.. im sure the sad one will come later.. but for now, im gonna do the best of the quote wall.. only the really cool kids were quoted on it.. hope some of these can make you laugh or smile.. ill leave the names out.. it will be more fun to guess who said it..

"its like the never ending crotch"
"im the human horny detector" (i think he was sober when this was said..)
"lets see who can jump the old people better"
"oh jesus it feels like a lumber factory...." (enough said..)
"you sure looked cute for trailer trash"
"did you get a reciept because you need to return that bitch"
"my fingers have a built in g spot locator, do you know where yours is today?"
"you know my penis once conquered spain" (... is that possible?)
-"no, but i bet im a lot more fun than spain.. i can talk back"
"you know you are a redneck when they shout hoedown, and your girlfriend gets on the floor"
"cancel my subscription because i dont need YOUR issues"
"i had a mental giggle with you"
"so whats by your bed?" . . ."10 boxes of condoms and lube". . . "for serious?..cosmos doesnt explain that one"
"that was the fatty inside of me coming out" ..."really? i thought it was the sex goddess"
"you should have told me you were schizophrenic.. cuz then i would have gotten to know all of your personalities"
"having a small penis is NOT a handicap"
"wanna play a board game? cuz i definately wanna monopolize you!"
"black underwear means you want sex, and thongs mean you want it real bad.. and the ones that tie mean you want it REAL bad"
"if your child says 'i dont understand sex" do not go and rent dirty videos" -child and ad psych
"i dont drink excessively, i just drink until i have no morals"

hopefully these made you laugh.. if i forgot any feel free to add more =)